Mindy's Musings

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2010-02-17T06:32:00.000-08:00

That is what I need to have for myself. I feel paralyzed at the moment by life and afraid of stepping anywhere. I do not want to resort to past behaviors when dealing with stress. I want to have behaviors that only benefit myself, my soul, and my greater good.
I will not use my body as a trash receptacle for empty food and calories that mean nothing and do nothing for me. I deserve all good things and the way I look and feel matters in that.
I need to get a grip and figure out a plan but I just want to avoid as well. It really kind of sucks when you don't know WHAT you want or maybe you do but are just afraid to go there or give up the things you still would miss if you do.

I just feel numb, but yet pain, and failure and wondering why.. It is my nature to want to understand and when I don't it paralyzes me.
What to do, What to do.....

Crazy

2010-02-11T11:36:00.000-08:00

I am very angry right now. I am trying to be clear headed. It's hard to know what to do. I feel I have a right to be angry but then being angry and fighting all the time is no way to live.
I am having a good week and lost 2 lbs on the scale.
It's snowing like crazy and gee I am angry because I took a mental ME day tomorrow but the weather will be bad and there will likely be no school......
I cannot escape these people I swear.
I really really don't know what to do. Dr Laura or someone once said something like...
If you don't know what to do, do nothing.

But I don't like that feeling of no say and out of control.

Would it be WRONG of me to say, I am not paying this bill or that bill and let OUR credit go bad because I do NOT want to be the only one paying bills?

I did have a good win today.... I won a years pass at the Asian Art building. It comes with parking down there so that will be nice!!!!

Ok, it's venting day I guess. Do I feel better...well I want to.

Sweet Dreams are Made of These (NOT)

2010-02-09T06:47:00.000-08:00

I had really weird dreams last night. At some point I was crying and I don't remember why. I woke up alot though..and this last dream that stuck with me, that sadly I do remember- I was having a Three-Way with Tom Cruise and Halle Berry.
I have no idea why. They seemed to be a couple and he was all into it and pushing me to get with her then all the sudden, she had a dick. So I am guessing that even subconsciously, I am not even a little bit lesbian. It was just really strange and makes me wonder what's going on in my subconscious.
What's going on in my reality is some sort of angst. Yesterday I was way focused on food and I binge ate a little. I have been doing really well at keeping my goals of eating healthier. I am not sure if I just hit the wall on being around lots of food I wanted and not eating it so I rebelled or I was just stressed or because it was available. I know I feel stressed and like I am missing something because I could not go food shopping and so am scrounging for lunch foods and thereby view that as lacking. I need to be grateful that I have lunch and really a pantry of stuff to eat. I will say it's getting pretty bare but plenty of food for the belly compared to alot of people.
I need to really keep my focus on myself and my commitment to treat myself better. I just sort of want to pack it all up and drive to a new place, but I know that it's true.. Where Ever You Go, There YOU Are. So I will be working on it here. I have that swirling in my brain where it's hard to get focused in one direction I guess.
I will be keeping on though.. smelling really good in my Halle Berry perfume.

Is it February already

2010-02-03T09:25:00.000-08:00

Well this resolution to blog is going really well right!!!
It follows right along with my starting to read something educational weekly, start a new journal or most other "resolutions" I make. You know what- I am ok with that.
My goal is to get ok with me- MORE then ok actually, but to find and appreciate the Phenomenal woman that I am.
I have been smoking a little, not a lot, but that is something I really want to drop. So I cannot update success in that area yet but I have not bought any cigarettes lol so some might say it doesn't really count.
I did lose 5 lbs in January, according to my official weigh ins. I am proud of that and I feel good.
I am a success and I am a thinner, healthy person. It is my intention to live my best life. That Oprah, she may bug some people, but I will say she is onto some pretty good ideas... She has that Best Life thing, and that's what I want.
However I will be having Sunrise Duals with myself about it!
I have been a cynical person who wants to see the proof. That seems to slam right into the Think It, Believe It, See It, Law of Attraction.
I have also been kinda a lazy ass person who didn't want to do ALL the work.
I think it's time for me and Oprah to win this face off.
My INTENTION for this month-
To start writing my intentions
To beginning meditating at least a little each day.
To kick my negative nellie to the Curb when she rears her head

I am having a great year. I am commited to getting to where I love life and can't wait to see what is awaiting me.

I would love to have a developed blog that people actually read so maybe that will come out in the cards too!!

For now, I am just putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward and looking ahead to embracing my Best life.

What can I do?

2010-01-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

I really want to know my "purpose". I read, I listen, I think yeah that sounds right. Then nothing. I am uninspired it seems in general. But I do know I like helping people. I want to be the kind of person people are happy to be around. I do not know if I AM that person but it is the person I want to be.
So my question to myself is what can I do to be more that way and have it be genuine. I am a cynic and a skeptic and I put my own feelings into my perceptions of other people's thoughts WAY to often.
I am really trying to stop making assumptions and judgements.
I am going to read this book the 4 Agreements that some wonderful teachers were talking about this week.
I am going to just try to FEEL. I don't think I do. I was watching the Biggest Loser this week and it really resonated with me. One of the contestants just shut down and was angry and inside of herself. I am sure she also felt selfrighteuous and indignant, or maybe that's just me. But I saw how she just COULDNT let herself feel. Like there shame or some crime or what it seems to me.. it's just POINTLESS.
But Jillian Michaels.. that Goddess of Bitchiness and Wisdom said... Why do you think God gave you tear ducts and emotions if you didn't need to feel and release.
Wow- It was like a frying pan to the head.
I am not sure how to just be ok with emotion but I am going to work on it. I find OTHERS are unsure about emotions and there always needs to be a blame or something Rational to cling to.
So what can I do right now- I will not invalidate my OWN feelings and I will take little steps to be a blessing and more considerate and thinking of others.
I think they two are connected... Connections to people open up your emotions and also leave you open to THEIR expectations and judgements. Scary Stuff.
But I want to know my purpose. I WANT WANT WANT but all these wants are ideals and things that sound good for others. Nothing that grabs hold and lights up my system.
So I will just try to be more a little at a time until I get my revelation or wake up one day standing in the middle of it with no idea how I got there until I look back.

Week in Review

2010-01-18T06:04:00.001-08:00

I struggle with the decisions to weigh myself or not. I believe that it's not about the scale for me. It's about loving myself and learning to respect myself and my health. However the scale is the measurement we have but I don't want to get all mentally in a funk when that # might not be where I want.
I struggled with Binge eating feelings all weekend as well. Some of it is normal weekend struggles. I think every one has it. Then there was just the feelings I am dealing with of feeling so overwhelmed and not where I want to be in life and some other things right now.
I will say this.. I tracked EVERYTHING... and I didn't do all that bad. However I ate Chinese food for dinner and then snacked on crackers and PB OVER my cal limit later which is just not really a good thing to do the night before weigh in.

That said, the scale showed my naked right out of bed weight (which is how I do it each time) as down a pound...
So I guess yay me. I know I am making small changes and I was able to add some movement in for exercise several days. My body is constantly aching and sore these days so its really a challenge, especially since the more active I am, the more it gets sore!
I DID do Yoga one day which I had set as my goal so YAY..check on that.
I feel good about where I am overall in my quest to get healthy.
I feel a little floatey in the mental state right now so I am trying to really keep my goal of being healthy in mind.
I also, except for fruit have had very little sugar for two weeks. Things with high sugar like pasta sauce ect, I still have had but am taking steps to choose healthier versions for me and my family.
I just wish I had a magic wand that made it all happen in the blink of an eye or a Samantha Style wiggle of the nose. I know I am magical and I CAN make anything happen that I want, but the time it takes is a little frustrating!

I will not give up on me though. I Love and Approve of myself and I deserve a healthy life and a body that doesn't ache all the time and I deserve to feel all cute in my clothes!
I am here, putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward. Choice by Choice, keeping focused on where I want to be.
Happy, with me.

My check in

2010-01-12T12:46:00.001-08:00

Well here it is Tuesday January 12th and my postings have not been awesome.
However my tracking on Sparkpeople.. has been. I have tracked all my food and while the weekend I didn't stay under 1500 cals, I did stay under 1800. Considering I am pretty sure there were some STAGGERING calorie totals when I am unchecked... well I give myself major props.

I still have not smoked and I have done pretty good at getting active. Yesterday I stuck it out and did the 2 mile marker of Leslie Sansone's 5K walking DVD. (thank you NEversaydiet.com for the nice DVD)

My changing my thoughts is a struggle. I am just grasping for feeling good and trying to keep my mind in more positive ways. I figure it's a practice and practice makes you better.
I am getting sort of mad that the publisher's clearing house people haven't showed up yet with my check... COME ON PEOPLE!

I did weigh myself on Monday am (after debating this all weekend as far as do I WANT to focus on the scale or not) and it was down 1.5 lbs!! Great job by me. If I could do that every week by the end of the year I would be a lot closer to my healthy weight.
My goal for this week is to try to do Yoga at least once this week.

Hanging by a Moment

2010-01-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

For some reason I just like to name titles that are songs or movies.
Today I feel very emotional. I am hungry but am trying to talk to myself and remember the greater reward of eating healthy.
It's because my day started out not routine in that my husband didn't go to school because its really cold. I am such a hard ass really but I have a strong work ethic and think pretty poorly of what I PERCEIVE to be non work ethic in others.
Anyway, then just one thing after another and I feel myself in a Tizzy. I have tried deep breathing and am trying reframing. It's one of those times that I feel my skin is too tight and I just want to be somewhere else.
However this is a part of me. This is not unusual. I would like to reach for a feeling that feels better and not a cookie that feels better for now but later feels bad. I am still learning to feel better though. I figure picturing myself violently stabbing someone in the eye isn't really what the Metaphysists mean by reaching for something that feels better.
I have to accept that some days are moment to moment. Choice to Choice. I am reaching for that power inside me that likes to make the best choice.
So far so good though...
Days not smoked 4
Days tracked all food 3
Days ate within range 3
days this week I exercised.. umm still one

Afraid to Jinx myself

2010-01-06T06:35:00.000-08:00

It sounds so silly but today, Jan 6th I have written down everything I ate for two days and stayed in my calorie range. I also did a Leslie Sansone video for the 1 Mile last night.
I am finding myself doing that thing where I start to obsess and want to just look up workouts and diet plans. That's how I roll. Then I roll right off whatever thing I was obsessing over. I am scared to talk to people about my eating or working out. I don't want to set up an expectation with them then fail. I wonder if everyone feels this way. I actually really struggle mentally with this time of year because everywhere is so focused on "whats" wrong with themselves and losing weight and I am trying to make peace with myself and my weight. At the same time I know its NOT healthy so I do want to lose weight. It's a real mental struggle for me for some reason and I am sure it's the usual reason that I just analyze too much and blow things up inside my mind.. obsess then move on to a new thing.
I want this to be one of the times that is different. I want to focus on making healthy lifestyle changes and learning to love myself.
I have no smoked in 3 days and have not overeaten in 2. I have exercised 1 day.
Those are good streaks and I really hope to update them tomorrow. I just need to keep focused that this is for ME. So I can be the best me I can be, that I love and deserve all these things for myself. It's ok if I talk about it, it's ok if I don't. I just need to keep my eyes on the prize as they say, and that prize is a ME I am proud of being in most every area of my life.

Getting a cup of Joy

2009-12-11T06:06:00.000-08:00

I am constantly angry and in a bad mood. Little things just piss me off. It's probably one of my biggest challenges is that I am such an Angerball. I think cutting the cord on that angry person is on key to finding my happiness.
So today is no exception. Before 8 am and I have tons of righteous indignation and anger. However so far that has gotten me nowhere.. what I need to do is pour myself a nice cup of Joy and Happiness. I have a really blessed life. Sometimes (like now for instance) it can be hard to really pull out the positive thinking rahrah pompoms. But I am writing this from inside my place of employment that provides me a decent wage and let's us wear jeans on Friday. Someone just told me we were getting free breakfast today which sounds awesome. I know I have a warm place to sleep tonight. I have good friends, I have a loving family. I have clothes...a whole closet full. I have means and opportunity to do anything I really set my mind to. I am not an oppressed person or living in a country that treats me as a non citizens.
All around right now are sparkly lights and beautiful sights that we can sit back and relax and take in, knowing that really all the big things will take care of themselves. I can choose to be happy or I can choose to be pissed off. It's hard reaching for that happiness. Especially when I know I am RIGHT DAMN IT! LOL.
It's not fair and all kind of other three year old kicking and screaming mentalities. Well I may be right and indignant and Angry and dwelling on the negative (which we know will just bring more of the same). Or I can reach out for that tiny bit of hey, just be happy and enjoy what you can right where you are and maybe, just maybe, this will be a great day!

Operation Happy Me!

2009-12-07T07:47:00.000-08:00

I am always struggling.. struggling with my weight, struggling with money, struggling with parenting, being a wife, family, feeling overwhelmed etc. I think my general attitude of belief must be that we must struggle and things must be hard if they are worth having. One thing I know...struggling DOES not make me happy, it just makes me a Martyr.
I was reading this article Friday that came in my Woman's Day written by Gretchen Rubin about her Happiness Project. Honestly the article wasn't specific enough for me about her results but the concept appealed to me. I do love to START an idea or project. Then on Friday night.. my Keurig came. Ohh sweet bliss, but anyway, I was making a cup of coffee on Saturday and putting in the flavored Coffee Mate I usually don't have because it's expensive but I had gotten them practically free at Walgreens week before last. I realized this coffee made me feel happy. I wanted more of that feeling. I want everything I do to give me that feeling. So I am starting today.. December 7 2009 BEFORE New Year's Resolutions that are made to be broken with my own Happiness Project. I see that Gretchen made a theme for each month that she wanted to implement. It's hard for me to be so thought organized so I am going to really concentrate on just my overall feeling/attitude/energy that I am putting out and that I have in reaction to different things I am trying.
One thing I have been TRYING to implement is Affirmations. This week I will continue my Affirmation of I love and approve of Myself as well as Finish reading Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life.
The areas I really want to get Happy in are - Health, Body Image, Money, Career, Family, and Spirit/Soul. Yeah no biggies there!!! I think maybe Oprah wouldn't bite all that off at once. But I am going to because I believe getting Happy Happy Joy Joy in some areas will make some other areas much better just because I will feel more Joy and put out more Joy.
I often joke about needing a labotomy or having my mouth sewn shut or various otherself depreciating things... but the now... give me the scalple- It is time for the labotomy to begin. I am going to operate on myself and my Mission is Joy and Happiness.
I will

Thanksgiving RTT edition

2009-11-24T09:06:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for so many things and appreciate all the normal family, friends, job etc... but here are JUST A FEW (I could go forever) that maybe don't get the props they deserve.
I am grateful for whoever invented elastic.. seriously let your elastic be shot in your drawers or your knee socks and you will appreciate it greatly as well.
In the same line.. Lycra... According to Lycra.com Lycra was invented by a team of scientist in 1958 and specifically one Joe Shiver at DuPont. I would just like to say thank you. Thanks to Lycra MY belly, does not pull a Santa and shake like a bowl full of jelly.
MMM Jelly.... I would like to thank smuckers and welches and the person who thought of Apple Butter. I don't LIKE butter. Just never have, which is odd since I like most any food that doesn't outrun me, but butter no. Apple Butter HOLEY CRAP BATMAN, I could bath in it. I have eaten WAY to many biscuits before simply as a transport device for apple butter.
Bill Gates.. you changed our life and world and if it wasn't for you I would probably be working right now (manually) and not pissing away work time on the internet. Bless You. I honestly cannot imagine life without the internet and can't wait for my Itouch so I can have MORE internet!
Cheese! I think that speaks for itself. I BOW down to whoever invented Cheese.
ummm sticky womens products with Wings.. When I was around 10 I read Judy Blume's Are you there God, It's Me Margaret. It was like 1982-1983.. I was confounded and confused by the passages talking about wearing belts around your waist that you attached your neccessaries to during that time. Say WHAT?? And heaven forbid I had to deal with what happened before the Belt thingy...
Reality TV... its both a blessing and a curse.. like really NO not everyone should be famous and especially not for doing nothing. However I feel MUCH better about myself and my life and have given up therapy simply based on these programs and my decision that I am completely normal and boring and doing JUST FINE.

Happy Thanksgiving and a huge Charlie Brown Thank you to these wonderful things in my life!

I Love and Approve of Myself...

2009-11-18T06:09:00.000-08:00

That's the affirmation I am supposed to be telling myself hundreds of times a day. And I realize it is true... I Love and Approve of myself. But the rest of you people...you need to CHANGE and or Get OUT of My Way!
Ugggg I just really need a break on an island. Seriously I think it's nearing a breaking point for some reason and I am really trying to be positive and affirm myself. I am trying to attract money. I am trying to not panic over the financial situation that now faces us, the fact that I married my father inlaw when I married my husband and we just umm have different ways of looking at things. But it's constantly SOMETHING whirrling around in my brain. And IRONY my sweet friend. I am a person who THINKS too much and over analyzes EVERYTHING. Ask Anyone. I am also a person who doesn't want to think or feel so I EAT! Odd I know. Now add holiday stress and the ready availablity of such evil HOLIDAY TIME ONLY (Note Must rush or they will be Gone Gone Gone.. until next year when we may start celebrating Christmas in September) Goodies like EGGNOG and EGGNOG flavored Items, Gingerbread this and that.. Peppermint la ti das... and mmmm mmmm good MEALS! It's like Paradise in a cup, plate, or bowl. But I am not supposed to enjoy it because then I have to feel GUILTY because I am FAT! Well Bite me... I want it. I am sure this bad Fat-itude is just a crutch I am finding to justify the splurge and probably the reason that for as long as I can remember my holiday weight gain is 12-25 lbs (BETWEEN OCT-JAN 1st) Seriously.
But life is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. And I am supposed to LOVE and APPROVE of Myself. These things DO bring me joy and pleasure. They do not bring me a smaller pant size, so there is the issue I guess.
I just want to stop the world, stop my brain, and have a freaking couple shakes where the calories do not count! Do you hear me Santa!

Speedbumps!

2009-11-16T08:39:00.000-08:00

Well once again it's been weeks since I blogged anything. One thing I struggle with is that a speedbump in life can really throw me off my course. I am working a great deal on myself and learning to attract what I want into my life. However what I don't have just yet is the ability to just shrug off that what comes in IS what I want and will all work out for good. I believe it but I still get completely thrown off my track when there is a shift or change.
I am really working on Affirmations. I am reading the book You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Louise is an inspiring woman who has pretty much built a small empire in the later half of her life. Her main focus seems to be on learning to love and accept yourself which is one of my major struggles. So I am working on that. I am using her affirmations and I am looking at others stories and being inspired. I am a very instant win type of person. I want to have it now. Maybe the speedbumps are just part of the learning process for me.
I am affirming good things about myself for now, that is my goal. I am working out which is good for my soul and my body. Those two baby steps are what I am focusing on right now.

Screw positive thinking

2009-10-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

I am working really hard on self improvement and working on my pessimistic negative attitude. However this is the sabbath of positive attitude for RTT and my positive attitude is taking a rest.

I am pretty sure today might be the day I make that Oxygen show Snapped. Have you seen it. I always tell my sister I am a lifetime movie waiting to happen.. Gee you never would have guessed that about her..she was so nice and quite.. HA!

What is with the one step forward two steps back? I was never a good dancer anyway.

When I win millions of dollars in the lottery I am going to buy a bunch of cheaper cars and just smash into people who annoy me on the road. And your middle finger?? Do you really think that shocks me or makes me feel bad?? Ha! It means job well done if you ask me!!

I think married women ought to get at least 4 free passes a year to hit their husbands upside the head with something really heavy. I also think that only 4 passes (seasonal) doesn't really cover it so we woman are having to use a lot of restraint.

Why do we teach little girls about fairy tales. It's really false advertising. I am going to start teaching my daughter how Cinderella got up everyday of her life and went to her cube and spent an hour a day wanting to stab the guy three aisles over with a pencil in the eye because she knows WAY to much about his life and cares about none of it and honestly is shocked he found a woman to marry him. I do look forward the maybe meeting her. I am expecting an alien being of some sort.

I am wondering if I should be concerned about all these violent compulsions in my head.

Why is it I always feel like the fattest girl around but they never have my size in the clearance section.

Why is it ok for you to listen to the entire political speech at your desk LOUDLY without headphones but I can't talk about MY spiritual thoughts in earshot of you?
Maybe I don't WANT to hear that political speech when I am trying to work.

If wonder if Rob and Kristen are really together or if its a stunt for the movie coming out.

Ok I am tired and my brain hurts. I think its a day I should not drive anywhere because I might just keep driving.

Bah humbug

Just call me Eliza Doolittle - Making Me over Monday

2009-10-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

I have never been fashion savvy. There are countless reason for this however in my quest this year to learn to love myself and realize my potential, one of the things that has become somewhat of interest to me is..fashion! I feel kind of like a traitor.. I was always too good to care about such silliness. But when I look around I see the confidence of the put together women around me and the bounce in their step. I do feel pretty when I dress up and just carry myself differently.
However I have never been into fashion and so its really a challenge for me to become.... dah dah da! a Fasionista!!!
I have always been fairly overweight for the clothing market which really never inspired my desire to shop and feel pretty. I always grew up thinking money was scarce. Somewhere along the way I just developed a skill of not really looking in the mirror, so really, rotating the same outfits each day of the week worked fine. I am clothed after all and not violating the dress code. Factor in my UberThriftiness and being a becoming a fashionista is going to be a challenge for me. Luckily I do so happen to know that finding bargains in Fashionista land can be a really fun and exciting game! Places like TJ Maxx, Ross, and the clearance and sale sections I hear are just chock full of great deals.
Another reason I have a hodgepodge of clearance items in my closet is that I am ALWAYS going to lose weight and don't want to spend money on clothes I am going to give away when they don't fit. Great plan by the way! I do not recommend it. When you don't feel so great about yourself, I think its actually De-Motivating to treating yourself right by exercising and eating right. So no more of that excuse. I am sure I can resale my lovely new clothes on ebay when they don't fit. I hear there is an awesome resale market for plus size clothing.
I have commited my first leap into being a fashionista. I have purchased a LBD. Let's call it a toe in the water actually because while I have purchased said garmet.. I have yet to put it on and wear it out of the house. Here is a picture of it from the Lane Bryant site where I got it.
The reason I made the commitment to this dress was simply because it looked casual enough to wear to work, easy to dress up, classy, and comfortable. However what I need when I wear it is a girdle! Apparently my foray into fashion will also include experimenting with different variety old hold you up and ins.
I am happy to have bought the LBD. I think yes, I do hear more of my inner woman roaring at how hot I will look in this dress.
My fashion goals.. to work on not being such a cheapskate and to figure out something with my hair. I DID actually get my nails done three weeks ago. Which means I should be getting them done again! A fashionista would NOT have nails that need a fill. So my goal for this week is also to get my fill.
Look out world... I am going where this Mindy has not gone before- FashionistaVille!

Fitness Friday Deep Sigh Edition

2009-10-23T06:35:00.000-07:00

This post is SUPPOSED to be about how great I have been doing and be inspiring to others. However the truth is I did not do ONE bit of intentional exercise this week. I bought the Wii Fit Plus and have fun with it and thought YES- 30 minutes a day, no problem. Ehhh Wii have a problem! One time this week I THOUGHT I should be using the Wii and that was when I was watching Biggest Loser. Generally at least I will put the balance board down and just walk up and down for the duration of the show. This week I felt so out of whack from the plumbing issue on Monday that I needed to catch up mentally. At no other time did I even really think about exercising. It was a hectic week with school things and the plumbing problem (and yesterday I saw a new leak in the roof) However there will always be something or some reason you can not make taking care of yourself a priority. Especially if you are the MOM and feel like you are not being a good one if you let your family down or don't use all your Super Mom powers to anticipate every need.
I have the funds finally from my Swagbucks (if you are not doing Swagbucks...seriously sign up here www.swagbucks.com Its awesome. However I have not yet ordered it because of some deep fear it will sit there unused and I could have used that money towards Christmas.
It's that perfectionist in me again. A total sabatour that trait can be! This morning I had a talk with myself...
"SELF" I said... "pull your act together. Remember it's the journey and this was one week." Well Ok then! Here we go... boot straps are being pulled.
I have made it my "mission" to just keep on no matter what this year, and every year from here on out. There is no time for wallowing. I reasses and reevaluate and make a plan. So my NEW plan (actually I LOVE to plan. I need a job planning as well as sitting on my butt and doing not much to really speak of) is to focus on my total hours of exercise I need for the week. Not 30 minutes a day or whatver Dr. Oz or Bob Greene recommend. Today, Right Now, as part of plan #846.5 - I am saying 3 hours of intentional exercise per week is my goal. If that means I took a two hour hike on Saturday and a 1 hour wii fit session on Tuesday and not a darn other thing.. So be it! Success! I just keep looking forward and moving that way.

Crap,Rap, and needing a good slap!

2009-10-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

There is shit in my shower. Really a plumbing problem and the smell of shit in the hosue made me glad to come to work. In one way I am glad we rent (the way of having to pay for it) but in another I am at the mercy of someone else to take care of the problem. My landlord is going to take care of it himself. DUDE- seriously there is shit in my shower- Let's leave it to the professionals. I was going to stay home and assist but then the thought of smelling it all day made work seem like a lovely place to be.

Why do we care so much about Rappers? Honestly I am so confused by this. I enjoy booty music as much as the next person and maybe more. I often get caught singing Golddigger but I really just don't care about Kanye and his issues or anything like that.

I am tired and cranky and I am sort of having violent urges. I am taking precautions and not holding scissors or sharp objects when people are near. My hand stapler I put in a drawer and am using just the electric one. I think it's just the stress of as always money... of not being able to blog like I want, to my kid having whatever issues she's having that we can't figure out yet, to the fact that I want to sue Calgon because that shit doesn't EVER take me away.

I have been working to find my purpose and the one question EVERYONE asks who helps you find your purpose asks is...
If money were no object, what would you want to do. Seriously my answer is sit on my ass and watch TV or read, jack around on the internet, and enter contests and not have people asking me for shit.
So if you know of that Dream Job please forward the details to me as I am applying!

A great way to start the day...

2009-10-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

Today is Payday, which is always fabulous. This one is even better because thanks to a little bit of unexpected Overtime on this check we were able to pay off a credit card! Party Time!!! In our house I am the saver and my husband- well really we just think different about money. I think he has made progress and I am trying to make progress and not just be a tightfisted miser. It's hard because we are on a really tight budget and we need to build up some savings.
But Thank you Thank you Thank you... I know I am going to get some big contest wins, some focus groups and surveys and maybe some more unexpected overtime or other opportunity to bring in some more money to grow our financial pot and also we have two more cards that need to be paid off. Then there are the tax bill and student loan which we can make progress on once we get those stupid credit cards taken care of once and forever!

Down with Debt!

Free night of theater and my review

2009-10-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

Last week I took advantage of a promotion running through October called the Free Night of Theater.
http://www.freenightoftheater.net
Thanks to Sweetie at http://www.sweetiessweeps.com for the info on it.
Tickets are released at a set time for your area and they go QUICK!!!!
I wanted Evil Dead the Musical and was successful and what a great time. Truthfully I picked that one because I knew my Husband wanted to see it and I was sort of just going with the hey it's a night out thing and not so much thinking I would enjoy the play. Can I say HILARIOUS!!! The www.dallashubtheater.org did an AWESOME job and if you are in the Dallas Area I suggust you go check them out. A Warning- this is an adult play. Totally hilarious though I mean I just laughed and laughed. Dancing Deadites are the best!
The theater is on the outskirts of Deep Ellum and the theater was intimate and the seating pretty comfortable.
We had such a good time and it wasn't our usual evening out to a bar.

Check Check

2009-10-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well Last week I made some goals... Time to see how I did.
I did one load of laundry everyday without fail.. Monday-Thursday. Which truthfully was most of our laundry. So will start again tonight. Overall I give myself a B+ on that since there is still that ever present unfolded load in the dryer. The plus is because there aren't any that need to be rerinsed in the washer.
Dust of the Wii Fit whoo hoo. I did this. I didn't do it until Saturday when I went and bought the new Wii Fit plus. Can I say Wowsers. I was truly sore and almost vomited because the damn Island Bike ride.. I must have overlooked two flags and couldn't keep marching around anymore. I had been doing it for quite a while at that point. It was TONS of fun and I felt pretty great for having done SOMETHING.
Sweep at least an hour a day. Well I did pretty good entering a fair # of sweeps every day. I did not yet see the fruits of this labor but hey, thats kind of how sweeping goes.

Ok Goals for this week- ADDED to the same one's from last week
Keep track of ALL food eaten. It's no problem at work or during the week but the weekend when we weren't home or I was pissed at my husband and he wasn't there to witness the frige raid... I seem to overlook a tad bit (read most) of what I eat.
Go through coupon organizer and clean out expireds

That's it.. baby steps.

This just in

2009-10-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

I got the Wii Fit Plus today!! WHoo hooo. I am excited. I would be more excited if my lovely spouse wasn't currently screaming curse words at the TV while he plays online military games and keeps getting killed by 13 year old boys.
Get off the PS3 DAMN IT! I want to WII.... or I want to speak a sentence you will actually here, or the rapid gunfire has worked my last nerve already!

Anyway- I will be checking it out (though we have plans in a bit with some friends and family) so expect a full report later!

Wii Will Wii Will Rock You!

Failure is not an option

2009-10-09T07:55:00.000-07:00

I am a perfectionist. Which I always thought I wasn't because being a perfectionist must mean you are perfect at everything and I feel perfect at NOTHING. However now I realize that being a perfectionist means nothing ever feels good enough unless it perfect and that feeling of imperfection often stops you from even trying or makes you give up easily. It is really a battle I think, this perfectionism. I can spout the words and wisom, but I lack a little bit of application within my own life.
One of my biggest struggle my whole life has been my health and fitness. Now honestly, though at this time I am close to 100 pounds overweight and have almost always been varying degress of obese, my overall health is pretty symptom free of the diseases that often come from obesity. I am strong and muscular as a body type so I can naturally "keep up" and at those times when I get the fitness going consistantly, it is something that I enjoy and really see a benefit and fast result from. So why aren't I doing it? This would be the perfectionism I think. That feeling of not being thin in two weeks, not having the right equipment, the right time or any of a plethora of excuses and reasons at my disposal. The excuses are a cover for the perfectionism. I have been successful at diet and exercise and I have gained it back. I have had people oogle and ahhh and talk about how awesome I look. Now I see that look and think its failure that I didn't continue or look..she's fat again!
Well I am fat again. But it's not a failure.. It's my life and my life, Failure is simply not an option. I do not live life Pass/Fail. I would like to be fit and healthy. It is my goal and I have 101 reasons its a good one. But my life is happening day by day and you can't get back yesterday. It's not a failure, it's a memory. Today I will not be hard on myself but do the best I can. I will plan to make good choices and be active. I am $10 away from saving enough to get the EA Active and that I am excited about because maybe that will be the sparky thing that makes fitness fun and a something that I make a priority in my time.
I am journaling my food.. good choices or not so good choices.
I am on the right path because there is no wrong path really. I have been given this opportunity at life and I am making the most of it. Failure is not an option, its all a great experience.

Opps there goes another rubber tree plant

2009-10-06T10:51:00.001-07:00

there is really no special random day for me.. I am Random girl...
I wonder when I will win THE BIG ONE! I know its going to happen and I have big prizes coming to me.
I have eaten healthy for two days YAY me. I am stuff though because I ate ALOT of healthy. I really wish fat was "in", even though I know its not healthy. When I was about 13 I read this fictional story where everything was opposite and the "pretty" girls were unpopular and the nerdy ones were. Obviously it has stuck with me for ummm WAY to many years.
I am wondering how I will manage to sit here at work for another 3 hours and not do any work without really pissing off my coworkers. I really miss my office which I sold out for a 5% raise last year in a position move.
Is it really wrong to be listening to self help books about peace and healing and still be thinking about stapling things to people's heads.. and when I tell people I want to staple things to people's heads and they laugh and think I am kidding I think. SUCKERS.. I am not kidding.
I wonder if I will ever stop using..... so much.... probably not.
Parenthood is so hard. I love my dd but really crap!!! I mean Mommy needs a drink and I don't even really LIKE to drink that much.
Well I think the stink eye from the boss means this edition is over....
Late!

Weekly Goals Oct 5th

2009-10-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

I am writing this post from the discomfort of my own bed. On my New to me LAPTOP! I am excited to get it. My Father in law is giving my MIL a new one so Her's was graciously passed to me. Thank you J and S!
I still plan on winning netbook.... I do have an issue working on it in bed lol. Give me a crick in the neck. I am sure I will iron out the kinks.
Here are my goals for the week-
Do ONE load of laundry everyday AND take the clothes out of the dryer when dry and not when you need it for the waiting load and have fluffed for the 876th time. Yes someone call the Green Police b/c I may use my green bags but they dryer thing ummm yeah.. bad ME.
Dust off the Wii Fit and use it at least three days this week.
Clean my bathroom and install the Automatic shower cleaner. Seriously I got ths awesome deal on it weeks ago ands just been sitting there.
Do sweeps at least 1 hour a day ( I think this will be easier now with the laptop) I sometimes just do my few picks then want to go to bed or watch a little something on tv. Now I can do both.
Look into Government Loan Programs.

Thats it for this week. Trying to do little steps.
Hope you have a great week!

Try Try Again...

2009-10-02T07:40:00.000-07:00

Well I just really struggle at time management and its so easy to put aside jotting down some words on this blog. It's important to me but my perfectionist ways get in the way and I think I will sit down and write something stellar and important later... later never happens. Hence the last post to this blog was in June.

ARGGGGGGGGG

Well today I am posting...

Today I have a roll call for some things going on in my life...

Weight loss/diet/exercise.... ummm stalled lol.. maybe that 12 month lap band thing might have been a workable plan after all but still in my heart... thats not my heart talking.
I just need to get active.

money saving budgeting.. actually going pretty well... bills paid.. no real arguements about money in the casa...lots of splurges on birthday and anniversary times... Ok to me.. not to Hubs... he thinks spending $40 on margaritas and chips and queso not a big deal.. but it was fun... WOW the margarita was STRONG.
Coupons- a bit overwhelmed but doing pretty good. missing ALOT of deals due to time but I tell myself there is always another deal to be had and how many glade candles do you need really.

sweepstakes/contest.. whoo hooo.. A great month- I will post a list of Sept stuff as soon as I get it together.

Work- well I still want to find a way to work from home and find my passion in work. I am smart and so I can be good at my job and a lot of jobs... but that doesn't mean it evokes passion in my spirit... I am looking for that!

I have decided I want us to buy a house next year... since we live on a very tight budget.. Have basically completely SCREWED credit and live in an area where housing costs (for N Texas) are pretty high... ummm well its a lofty goal.
Starting of house fund... $100
I am seeing my house.... and picturing us in it next August and its going to happen! I believe in the possibility of the impossible happening!

Ok that's random.. but I am random...so everyday to me is a Random Day...

I just wanted to check in and get myself here.

Confessions of a Not Yet Middle Aged Drama Queen

2009-06-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hi my name is Mindy and I am a Drama Queen.
It's hard for me to admit it, I don't think of myself that way and I think my life is boring and blah...but I realize that inside my head, I am just so DRAMATIC!
Every little life thing is a big deal to me. Every little bump, I want everyone to sit and watch and take note and poo poo poor you. I stress out about being stressed out! I sit and get dramatic about THAT WHICH HAS NOT EVEN HAPPENED YET! But I need to.. because what if???
I sometimes just can't stand my own head. I like to think I am a nice sweet person but I am figuring out I am very self centered. Not in a horrid way really but I have a hard time seeing outside my own little world and worries.
I have got to Chillax and stop trying to be Mistress of the Universe. Stop and smell the roses, whatever. I count my blessings, really I do and they are so plentiful. But why I have this personality that just becomes a big stress ball over every minor thing.

I don't know how to be a less selfish, less self centered person really. But I am open to ideas.

Weighing in on Wednesday... Split decisions edition

2009-05-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted anything in a few days. Really I was pretty much away from the computer most the holiday weekend and this week is pretty hectic. I feel like I don't know whats going on with other people I "follow" for lack of a better word. Hopefully catching up the next couple days.. one good thing about blogging and forums, they are still there to check out later...
Sorry this is of course, nice and long, and again..not funny.
For me, this is likely my last "weighing in" on Wed post. I am having a real struggle.
I have an eating disorder and my relationship with food is not normal. I need to truly face this and learn to deal with it before I will ever have lasting health. I need to get to the root of it and learn other coping skills etc. I previous to losing 120 lbs saw an eating disorder specialist who made me quit Weight Watchers saying there was nothing wrong with it but for me, its just another control mechanism and she didn't want me "dieting". That as long as I was controlling and playing a game...points, counting calories etc, I wasn't dealing with the real issue and it would still be there waiting undernearth for when I got tired of whatever diet game.
She said.... You may even gain weight at the beginning! I was thinking NO WAY! I am here to LOSE weight. I have read two different authors who specialize in Compulsive Overeating and they both sort of say the same thing... SO.... I am going to try to follow some of the exercises and things and I can already tell its going to be a struggle and I may not see sudden success on the scale and I think weighing myself every week will just be discouraging. I weighed this morning and honestly, I feel I had a great weekend. I feel I ate about half of what I might have eaten previously at all the cookouts we went to. Outside of eating too much potato salad two days in a row, I really ate when I was hungry. I didn't expect there to be a gain (only half a pound) and I feel a little smaller. I have already written about that darn scale and how it can send you in the wrong direction so I have made the decision to only weigh myself once a month. I know I need to see a number or I will weigh in 6 months from now and have gained 40 pounds.
Its VERY hard for me. Honestly somewhere in the back of my mind whether I was "dieting" or not I have analyzed the calories and fat of everything I have put in my mouth for more then half my life. I have labeled most things GOOD or BAD. According to every eating disorder book or specialist I have heard or read, you must stop that thinking and learn to know what your body is saying, eat when you are genuinely hungry, eat what you want to eat, and STOP when you are reasonable/comfortable satisfied.
I am journaling my thoughts and feelings and rating my hunger... its hard. I still tend to eat until I am more then comfortably full. I am having some trouble really judging the level of hunger to where I should be eating.
Its hard too because I have a dieters mentality. I know what every expect says about eating...How much you need to eat, how often, how it keeps your metabolism burning, how you can't get TOO hungry so eat every 3 hours etc... I DO think there is truth to those things too...
Its very conflicting. But then I think, I am not a normal dieter. I don't just eat a little too much of what I don't need. I get completely out of control at times.
I am not sure how to step out of that mentality...
But my plan is to be healthy...
I will try this food diary and learning my body's signals and eating when I am hungry and learn to stop when I am full... IF there are setbacks in this.. THAT IS TO BE EXPECTED.. Keep trying
I will try to choose healthy nutritious foods for my body when it does want to eat because those foods are the best choices. Eating snickers when you are hungry vs a salad will not really give you the energy and nutrition needed if you do it too often- even if you do stop when you are full!
I will be active- I still am using my Wii and am hopefully getting a Wii Active courtesy of a very nice Challenger. If that doesn't come through, I will get the Wii Active as soon as summer is over but in the meantime, I will be active because I do need to lose body fat to be healthy. I also know its an AWESOME stress reliever for me and will aid me greatly in NOT using Food as my comfort.
I am really scared which seems silly. I tell my self I can do both. Count the calories but still try to journal and eat only when hungry and I know I will do that unconsiously because its so automatic right now to know how many calories are in everything lol.
I don't know what to do if I fail at this and keep blowing up. I honestly don't THINK that will happen. I think I am at the point where I am just tired of the yoyoing. I don't need to be a skinny minny.. I never have been and its probably not in the cards. But I can be healthy and that is the journey I am on.

Random Tuesday... yes just like any other day

2009-05-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

The concept for Radmon Tuesday Thoughts comes from the Un-mom...she is hilarious..you can find her below...

http://www.theunmom.com/

There is a nice button to grab that links there. It won't work for me. Shocker!

I have been wondering for a month or more why there is a herd of buffalo now that I pass on my way to work. Its the suburbs and while maybe they don't want to city to take their land and force them to let people build on it, well these buffalo are new. Have you eaten buffalo? I have to say... its pretty yummy. Its sad to get hungry on the way to work when passing a field of LIVE buffalo. I also end up singing Home Home on the Range most mornings. And people wonder why I am so bitchy all the time.

I REALLY need several days off. My attitude lately sucks. I just feel overwhelmed but not really anything specific. I need say at least 3 days off. One day off and all I want to do is NOTHING.. by the third I figure I would be ready to clean the house.

NO the three day weekend doesn't count.

I am really stressing a way to make extra money. I want THINGS... nice shiney pretty THINGS and while we are very blessed to have a nice home and food and vehicles, it takes most of what we make to pay for the needs.... I want THINGS I don't need. I want to gamble on the Press Your Luck game, I want to plan a trip, I want some pants that FIT. I want an EA Active so maybe the pants I already own will soon fit...

Is it bad that I now am sort of addicted to the coffee flavored Rock Star or Monster... I get the light one... I am thinking though.. maybe NOT so much what I need... more caffeine.

Well I should work.. or at least look up ways to make money on the internet. There is the selling Plasma but the thing is I heard you may have to wait in line 2-4 HOURS. for $25... ummm no, sorry...

Just another Manic Monday

2009-05-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

Well today is Monday and really I NEED a VACATION.. or a STAYCATION or any of the above.
This morning started with my being poofy because things didn't go the way I wanted in something. I can be a bit of a brat when that happens. Trying to mature but its hard. Really I can say its not trying to be selfish usually but to try to make everyone happy or not make anyone un-happy and well that just apparently isn't my thing!
HAVE to go to the store after work because its worse then Old Mother Hubbards at our house.
I haven't really had the time to clip proper coupons so I put off going to the store and I just don't like spending more then I know I should be because I am not organized.
So it will be getting by AGAIN at the store.
Then at 3:50 the Granddaddy calls and wants to keep the daughter overnight. This is just not something I am willing to argue about but also does not thrill me. Its a delicate situation and I think people would have to be in it to understand. I said yes because A) I have to renege on something I already had said would be ok. B) They really didn't get to see her much this weekend as she had a sleepover (at their house but still you know how your kids could caree less if your breathing when they have friends over, unless they want a snack) and I got her at noon yesterday. So I felt guilty. C) really there was just no reason to say no lol.
Next week is a three day weekend! I am very excited by this concept.
Also my friend asked about a combined family beach weekend later in the summer.. Very excited by that concept as well.

Goal for this week..
4 days of intentional physical exercise.
Eat under 2000 cals a day...and track it all... I am shifting off hardcore food mode. I need to lose weight and have not taken that goal away but I am thinking I need to solve what's in my head before I just solve the fat around the middle. So basically baby stepping right now and trying to find a balance of eating "normal" food overall and just portioning etc....

Plus really lately I have NEEDED those wine calories...

Mindy OUT

Fitness Friday- Don't Focus on the Scale Edition

2009-05-14T19:58:00.001-07:00

My Fitness Friday message this week is really just one piece of advice. Please do yourself a favor and try not to live and die by the # on the scale. I really believe the # on the scale is just that..a number. Now don't get me wrong, I am well aware that at 5'2" and 231.5 pounds my # should be SIGNIFICANTLY lower. I do believe the scale is an easy general guideline for your results.

However I seen in my own life and those around me that little scale and our interactions with it lead down a slippery path when you are talking about making life changes in your health and fitness.

I know that when I play what I call "the scale game".. it's a sign that something is Rotten in Denmark. Your mind is not in the right place and you are not really set up for success. I believe in weekly, biweekly, or even monthly monitoring depending on your level of playing the "scale game". Where I see the most game playing in my own life and have observed in others is the daily weighing and even for some people multiple times a day weighing. Maybe that does work for some people. I just have not observed it in my own life or my fellow dieters I have worked closely with to lose weight. They will eat a little "good" then if the scale is ok, maybe slide a little, but then try to recover by eating very clean the two or three days before the official Weight Watchers weigh in. If you were "good" and you did your exercise and ate right and you hop up there and you either don't lose the weight you expected or you gasp GAIN weight... ACK.. it can ruin your day, your week, and honestly for many people, the hard fought battle for the weight they have lost as that let down feeling can led right to the kitchen. If you kinda had an oreo here, some birthday cake at work, maybe a couple fries one week and the scale didn't seem to notice..well heck, maybe I can get away with that again...let's test it. Eventually thats going to cause a backslide. The only way to have lasting healthy weight loss is eating healthy foods, limiting portions and being active. I promise... thats really the only way.
If you happen to fall a bit off the diet and exercise wagon all together and see that your scale is jumping numbers quicker then Evel Keneval over the Grand Canyon, I have to say, very few people really seem to slam on the brakes. Most tend to take the aww the Hell with It approach for a at least a few week and sometimes months until they jump up to play the scale game another day.
My take for myself is that if I am playing the scale game and focusing too much on that number, I will not have success. When I am tempted to weigh myself everyday I know I need to put that scale away for a few days or weeks. My head is not right if I need to check for damage the day before and I start saying things like, well half a pound is half a pound and I am not living a healthy lifestyle and making healthy changes. I am too desperate to double check or to see confirmation of my good work paying off! Don't misunderstand me. Even when you do everything needed in a healthy lifestlye, you may have the 1/2 pound loss weeks, or the bump in a pound or two. Your body compensates for its needs and the changes you make are BIG changes for your body. In the midst of my 120 pound weight loss I had several weeks like that. It was no big deal. I didn't care and knew the next week or week after it would average out. The rule I made was to go three weeks of really knowing I was doing the work and then if I didn't see good results to look at what I was doing and see where I might be doing something that needed tweaking. You know damn good and well when you are really eating a healthy diet and exercising and when you are trying to play the scale game. Maybe not working out or not really being accountable for every bite, but trying to make it where you at least have a small lose to report to your weight loss group or online group. As long as the scale goes down at all you can report success! When I am making healthy choices about 85-90% of the time and being active.. I KNOW I will see success and don't watch the scale like a hawk for confirmation of it. I know it will come. I like Weight Watchers and have been successful on it. I am sure many other commerical diet programs are also good and you can be successful. The one bone I really have about WW and its counterparts is that it is sort of live and die by the scale. It really isn't within the program. The program and the other members are very supportive. But I did feel that "judgement" each week. I didn't want to go weigh in if I knew it was likely not a good #. I knew the receptionist was going to be disappointed! I know there is no other way to do it and I am fine with it because if you are doing the plan, you should see results. But should it be your Time of Month, or you ate too much sodium the night before, or countless other reasons there is a bump in that scale, I know the feeling can be so deflating. I just wish it didn't have to be that the scale is the indicator of success in being healthier.

The real rewards of losing weight, of making your heart a stronger muscle, of increasing your energy level is not a smaller # on the scale and a single digit size in your closet, though GOD BLESS I sure do hope to get there! The real rewards are playing tag with your kids, and not going to bed exhausted at night, not being winded walking up a flight of stairs, having great skin from good nutrition, looking forward to seeing your grandchildren grow up one day, not having too many aches and pains on the way. These are the real rewards and they are not measured on your scale and these are the rewards that will keep you from ending up back where you started eventually when you get tired of playing "the game" because you never played. You made lasting lifestyle changes.

That's my goal! I am working towards it with constant setbacks and restarts. But I will not let myself fall into a scale game with myself. Instead I am forcing myself to keep making the changes and I know when I am successful at that, it will be there when I step on the scale.

Weighing in on Wed- Stinking Thinking

2009-05-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

Well I woke up 30 minutes late but hopped my butt up on the scale. It was down half a pound from last week, which was up a pound from the week before.

The harsh truth- Current Weight 231.5

The good news is that on 4-29-09 that was 237 so my loss in two weeks is still positive and it was really a bitch of a week last week through the weekend. The truck just really stressed me out as does not having any money in the bank basically. But the great news is we had the money there. I have made some not great food choices but not too wheels off!

Mother's Day was nice, I had fun at the casino and was able to give my sister her gambling money back and though I needed to win some money well, it was low cost fun.

I have not exercised much. Hannah and I did play Wii sports, which was fun and I am trying hard to save and plan to get the EA Active game. I have $25 in Amazon GC from swagbucks towards it already.

I was thinking on the way in this morning that my inner attitude was just in the crapper. I am a lucky person and I am diligent about trying to win things and get things for free or a good deal. But I realize I have felt sort of depressed in the last week about money going out the door (a plaguing issue for savers in general) and also uninspired by work and overwhelmed by feeling bad about the things I am not doing that I let it get me down instead of me getting UP. Having a good attitude makes the other things work out in general. Months ago when I started my new savings plan and was just discovering blogs etc... I was called for three focus groups... and got several great things come my way.. coincidence... I think not.But when it feels like the HaHa gods are gunning for you... well I just buckle down and surrender..Wallowing in my hole thinking ugg WOE is Me... Instead of saying hey... GREAT THINGS ARE COMING MY WAY!!! HIT ME WITH THE GOOD STUFF!!!!!

But I wasn't as cute or creative or have as much time as I wanted to organize and write snappy, wittythings to jump in and be the next blogging sensation! I am not as great at small talk.. or I am judging myself against people who have been doing this for a year or more. I signed up to get a Homemade Gourmet starter pack because I have always been interested in it and they had a great one time deal on the kit. But I haven't even cracked it open (it came Friday) and I just don't know where to start and my Virgo personality says don't even bother starting if you can't be great at it. Sort of the same with losing weight I swear because it takes so long to see results I just get tired of it not being perfect.

I just think too much and not everything I think is really the way it is. I have learned I am REALLY HARD on myself. I also can therefore be really hard on others.. maybe not outloud but in my head. Judging them because I judge myself. I gotta say, its a drag! I think there is a well known saying.. I heard it at Church once in some class.. Fake it til you make it... Well I think they said to act AS IF...AS IF you had this or that...

So I will ACT AS IF... thats why I am writing something on this blog, even if people aren't really reading it or finding it interesting in any way (though big thanks to any who ARE and I am trying to do better) until I do get the hang of it and it develops into more what I want it to be. I am writing down what I eat AS IF it was all healthy good choices, I will be exercising daily even if its 10-15 minutes AS IF it were enough to give me the body I want. I am thinking AS IF I do not need to worry about the balance in the bank. Not spending willy nilly but not stressing how we will pay for things...I am putting on my cool Clothes (these would be size 8 btw) and saying.. hey world, bring on the GREATNESS!!!!!!

Random Tuesday

2009-05-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

Well I really suffer from Randomness in general so when I saw a recognized Random Tuesday I was very excited.
I am exhausted because I have had very little sleep. Last night I went to the book signing for Jen Lancasters new book Pretty in Plaid. Jen rocks...if you don't know her works you need to. www.jennsylvania.com There were ALOT of people there so I was happy for her to have a good turnout. I was not so happy to stand around for two hours.
But I was home by 9:45.. my husband though went out to see some friends in a band who were in town and didn't get home until 4:15
I need to learn to go to sleep when he isn't home. I also need to get over wanting to occasionally stab him in his sleep...especially when he comes in and starts snoring but I am still up until 5:30 am
I am wondering if the Java Monster Lo Ball will be helpful.
I wonder if I will ever get good boobs. Really this is very important to me. When I had lost 125 lbs, it was really something I was considering. Now I need to lose 60-75 pounds again but really I just want a good rack. Really moms.. MAKE your daughter wear the big mama bra...even if she doesn't want to because that 4 hook back doesn't look that good.

I need to get to working out this week. Really my ass is begging for it. But the landlord is supposed to come today with a roofer about our leak and I have to pick my DD up at 4 instead of her going to day care because since they cancelled school for the imaginary swine flu epidemic she now has to make up her art class she missed.

Really I need a beach vacation. I am trying to win a trip to NYC on the radio all day but I would prefer the beach in Mexico... I must put get a passport higher on my list of things to do. Why is there a picture involved in that.... mychin is pointing so I get more double jaw then double chin, but its not photogenic either way....

Just another Manic Monday

2009-05-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I should have pulled the covers over my head.
The weekend was decent. I ate a bit too much still reeling from the $3100 bill on my husbands truck last week. I tried hard all weekend to find the money tree in the backyard but its very elusive.
I did have a fun time gambling Friday lol..and didn't lose very much money.
Sat we had a nice Mothers day with my family and my mom loved the photo book my and my seaster (ok mostly my seaster) made her.
The husband was home relatively early Sat so yay he was back for mothers day.
He cleaned and washed my car as a gift and we went with the inlaws to Kobe Steaks.. yum, where they cook at the table. Hannah got a real kick out of it.

Exercise since Thursday.... ummm NONE unless you count walking miles around Winstar.
I truthfully have not eaten that poorly since Friday and not too bad then actually. Some choices could have been better (whataburger at 5 am was a hamburger and fries) and I ate desserts but I didn't have any unplanned bingey eating. Thats more important to me then the calorie count most the time.
Today I was ready to get back in the swing of things.. Plus I am going to a book signing tonight I have really been looking forward too.. but I am apprehensive about some other stuff tonight.
Had a hard time getting up... so was running about 15 minutes late but doable.. My wake up Hannah alarm went off so I grabbed my med and was reaching in the counter to get some Aleve...why I didn't listen to the voice that said there is Motrin on the counter, but I didn't....
While reaching for the Aleve I knocked a bottle of purple nail polish out and onto the floor.
For some reason this morning the usually resiliant bottles of nail polish EXPLODED shooting glass and nail polish all over the floor and my foot... It really wouldn't come off my foot.. it looks kinda like a purple rash. I was not going to change clothes and shoes after now running about 25 minutes late to wake Hannah... so I tried best I could to remove paint from the tile, and my foot, and the glass... I think I started the day high as a kite from Nail Polish remover.
Tonight I will have to work extra hard to get the remaining polish off the floor.
Now its POURING down rain and so I am crossing my fingers while I am here at work that water is not pouring down the wall we have a leak in at home.
The Landlord was coming tomorrow with a roofer but heck, its going to wet.
Still.... just breathing and remembering I do not need to control everything and what needs to be done will be done and some days you just have to do the best you can, escape with your sanity and tackle it all again tomorrow.

I am about to go cook my nice healthy choice meal.... Hopefully it will be yummy.

Weighing in on Wednesday- Fixing Addition

2009-05-06T05:55:00.000-07:00

Well I have been doing awesome in sticking to my food plan and getting in some activity. Until Monday...therefore this weeks weight is up a pound. I don't know if I ate really enough to gain a pound but I ate late and some salty so I know I have the post bingey bloat.

Some people have awesome funny witty blogs.. I love those. I want to have one of those. So far mine all seem whiney and boring lol.. but I am also doing it for me and this is stuff I need to get out there. So.... grabbing my box of tissue and hopping up on the couch for the shrink myself session.

Monday and Tuesday I was binge eating. To me binge eating is eating when my logical doesn't want to or I know I don't need to be. Not having a piece of cake or eating a steak when I should have chicken. Its eating when I am not hungry or when I ignore the internal conversation
Those conversations go something like this...

Right Mind Mindy you don't want that.... Mad Mindy RAWR give it to me.. more more more

Right Mind Mindy you aren't hungry... Mad Mindy Rawr Rawr yum yum uggggg

Right Mind Mindy gasp.. I am leaving....

Mad Mindy... uggg I feel horrid..why did I eat that RAWR- we have bagels and cheese!

Mad Mindy....Why Why Why... but I do feel a bit better... I feel sick but better... and gee, don't we have some jelly beans left from LAst years Easter Basket somewhere... where was that basket...man I need to clean out this closet... ohh here they are VICTORY.. Mwmmm Mwmm

hmmm these are sorta hard and not good... hmmm but I do feel better...

Mad Mindy... Why... I was doing so well... why do I do this...

Right Mind Mindy crawling back through the fog..... Its ok... Just pull out of it....Dont beat yourself up..move on...etc etc...

Now last night Right Mind Mindy must have had an energy drink or something because near the middle of Mad Mindy's tirade, instead of jumping ship... she said

HEY YOU... YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DESERVE BETTER THEN THIS. YOU NEED TO TREAT ME BETTER THEN THIS.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS....

RRRWARRRPPPPPP (insert scooby do voice here) Mad Mindy looked up and said gee I don't know why. YES YOU DO.. WHY... Because I know what this feels like. I can control this. I can control even feeling bad.... I cannot control anything else maybe, but I can control this feeling. Food makes me happy then sad but I know whats coming! Being fat means fine KISS MY ASS THEN. I'll show you... I knew you didn't love me, didn't care, didn't whatever I knew it I knew it!

Mindy I love you. You deserve better then this.. we deserve better then this. I am sorry you can't make everyone do exactly what you want. I am so sorry that the car is broken, and what you have been working so hard to save money for is now a start over. I am so sorry you feel like you are the one always giving. I am so sorry you cannot always have it your way (NO WE WILL NOT GO TO BURGER KING.. WE DONT HAVE A CAR HERE RIGHT NOW) I am sorry life seems so much harder and takes so much more energy then you thought. Its ok to feel whatever you are feeling! You do not need to eat to deal with those feelings...
Sniffle Snifflle... Mad Mindy.. I'm such a failure.. I suck
Girl I love you.... but shut the hell up sometimes... come on... lets go dance around the living room like Madonna... or hey... you know you still have those Pussycat doll songs on your mp3 player...
Pant Pant.. whew... man I am sweating...but that was fun. I swear I did that last move just like a real pussycat doll lol... they may come after me to do Vegas...

HAHAHA--
I cannot say this is the last war.. it wont be. But I am going to figure out how to deal without food. Without beating me up, without "handling" things. I know it will be hard. Feelings are Feelings you know. Its easier sometimes not to feel them. Especially when they are bad... powerlessness when something comes up, stupidity when you do something silly, failure when you feel you didn't do the right thing... Who wants to feel those... but they are part of living.
There are also good things to feel and I want to feel those too... Joy, Pride, SELF LOVE

I am taking those steps... It won't be easy, but hey, I am worth it.

Frugal "Dieting"

2009-05-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

I like a good deal. I never want to pay much for anything and so it frustrates me when I have to, especially when I know it could be cheaper another way.
However I am a huge believer that diets don't really work forever and you have to make whatever you are doing to lose weight fit your life and lifestyle in some way. I have always knows Low Carb was just not for me. I have lost tons of weight before eating carbs everyday.
I do not think white potatos are evil or that rice is conspiring to attach itself to my butt.
If I want a snack cake or some chips... no problem, work it in. A serving is just fine and is totally workable in a healthy diet. That's where the struggle comes in though... bestween the frugal me and the me who wants to arm myself with every possible aid to help me in this very important goal of getting healthy. I am frugal but I am a convenience girl... I love prepackaged, portioned, ready to go things. I don't really mind cooking up a big batch of rice or portioning out my oatmeal but overall I don't have the time or energy to cook everything from scratch and mix up my own stuff.... Buy a big bag of baked Lays or other item and portioning them out works but they don't stay as fresh, it takes quite a while to break it into ziplocs and ummm, I tend to eat quite a few in the process. I LIKE a BIG portion. 94% popcorn was the best thing I ever found in my life... I could eat the WHOLE bag and it pretty much had zero impact on the scale... Ironically here is one place I hate the 100cal bag... I could eat the WHOLE BIG BAG....
I want a pantry full of go to snack bars and sugar free puddings and frozen lunch meals low in calories. I want some skinny cows and my own loaf of light bread (b/c DH and DD aren't touching any healthy non white bread) I find it so much easier to stay on track with my eating when the healthy foods are right there at my fingertips.
I cannot handle the grocery bill that comes with it... Coupons included. I just find the convenience to be enormously expensive. In some things its worth it really but overall I am really trying to find a balance between two important things to me.

Fitness Fridays

2009-05-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

Inspired by a new Blog Site I joined...http://www.wiimommies.com/ I will be posting about something Fitness related on Fridays.
Its a hard topic to understand I think... being fit. At 75-100 pounds overweight I am actually more fit that many people who weigh far less. I wish everyone understood how important fitness and movement was to their everyday lives. Maybe they do and like me they just find it hard to push past excuses and find the energy to do it when life feels overwhelming.
The sole purpose is not just to lose weight. I have lost and gained hundreds of pounds. I am always more successful at it when working out, but even at the height of my successful losing, I stopped going to the gym because life got to busy and I forgot how important it was to make some time for being active.
One of the best reasons for me to be active and exercise is that I feel better! As someone who suffers with Depression, physical exercise is one thing that majorly contributes to how I feel overall. It helps me from having as many thoughts that just run away. It helps me feel strong and like I accomplished something. I have put ALOT of stress on my body carrying extra weight and actvity and weight bearing exercises will help my bones and joints continue to support me for what I hope will be another 40-50 years!
I want my daughter to be active and have fun. I remember the fun of riding my bike and jump roping for hours as a kid.. and war games and running around playing "keep away"..yes usually keep away from me, being younger and a girl but still.
I want her to have those fun memories not just of icarly or Hannah Montana but kids cant run around all by themselves anymore and if mom is too tired to go to the park then thats the alternative. I want her to see that activity is a part of our lifestyle!
And guess what...Activity is NOT a part of our lifestyle. So that is one thing we are going to fix!

Weighing in on...Thursday??

2009-04-30T10:39:00.000-07:00

Well I did weigh in on Wed I just didn't get here to blog. Now I honestly don't know when I last posted an accurate weight. When I am not doing well in my eating/health, I tend to lose track of those sorts of things. I do know last Wed...the day after my lapband appt, I weighed 237. This Wed I weighed in at 231.. YAY... 6 Lbs. That is "first" week kind if thing I think but it goes the right direction!
I can pinpoint the difference exactly. I did NOT binge eat once since Friday. I have planned food or just divided calorie allotments and tracked since Monday and will continue to do so on SparkPeople. I was very stressed a couple times over the weekend so YAY it really is a victory.
I need to get active. I did do the 30 day Shred Monday and walked an additional 30 minutes. I did DDR on Tuesday but am not really sure the calorie burn is true.. did get my heartrate up.
I was to do Shred yesterday but J was home and I just let that stand in the way.
I am not going to freak on the activity right away. As long as I keep my eating in check I will not worry if I miss a workout. However I know its good for me in stress relief, energy, and weight loss. So here are the plans I am making...
I joined up with wiimommies forum online. These people have used the wii and wiifit to get healthier...One of the mommies is testing the new EA active which sounds awesome. But nothing works good gathering dust so I will check them out and see if its something worth me buying.
I also ordered the No Excuses Workout System from Jonathan Roche. He is an awesome personal trainer the flylady and the flybabies use. I am new to all that but the videos were not terribly expensive..not cheap either, but listening to him I think this might really help when I feel pressed for time instead of blowing it off. Will review when it comes in.
Also just adding activity into daily life. Honestly I was pretty good about this kind of thing but hey...its always good to refocus.

Proud Mindy keep on Burning

2009-04-27T15:20:00.001-07:00

So I today came home determined to change my routine. I literally placed two dining room chairs at either entrance to the kitchen. That may sound psychotic but it stops me from randomly finding myself in the kitchen. I will be cooking dinner soon and thats good enough!
I changed clothes and put on Jillian Micheals 30 day shred level 1.. I then ran all around the house looking for my 2 lb hand weights.. all I found was 5 lb hand weights which is why I am now grateful the keyboard is lower then my fingers and I don't have to lift.
Honestly, I had to sort of stop or slow it in some places for breathing but overall not near as much as I thought (feared) therefore never really had an excuse to turn it off an quit.
I sweated and lost breath so I know it was a workout...and well I can feel my muscles are fatigued.. tomorrow and the next day OMG.. will try to walk tomorrow to at least loosen but my goal right now is 4 cardio 2 strenth.. Now with this its sort of both..
I skimped on the butt kicks and jump ropes as in I made my a little lower impact but I didn't Stop moving at all.
So I am proud of myself. Its very easy to quit and for today I didn't!

Moments to be on film?

2009-04-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those moments and you think yeah, this would so make a great scene in a movie or tv? You even sometimes rewrite it then, once the thought enters your head so it would be perfect--- a la something on Ally McBeal or Bridget Jones? Like these things really do happen to in our real lives..it would make great cinema lol or maybe its just me.
For example today while driving home with all my Kroger loot, (it claims my savings was 43% but I bought a bunch of clearanced meat and it really doesnt calculate that since it is the price it rings up.)
I was singing to myself on the little 1.5 mile ride home...Que Sera Sera- the song from the opening Croquet scene in Heathers-- Awesome movie...if you are too young, go rent it!
It goes, Que Sera Sera...what ever will be will be... then I had the movie moment kick in....
literally that SCCCCRATTTCCHHHHH...the music stops..
I exclaim...well thats just bullshit (this is my the Secret, universe is all giving me what I want for, law of attraction, what you think you bring about mentality kicking in)
I QUICKLY run though a list of songs in my head and then begin singing (and bobbing my head excitedly) I GOT THE POWER (by snap...circa 1990 bitches)
Then in the movie scene I said.... complete and aloud in Bridget Jones' British clipped accent...
there Thats better!

Then I thought yeah I could SOOOO see that scene in the movie of my life.

The hard way...

2009-04-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

Well I went to LapBand appt... yes it has reached that stage. I asked a our benefits lady at work and she said it was a six month period.. First they told me my insurance doesn't cover at all... then came back and said.. a 12 month management period..
I don't know why I am surprised. I know not to take shortcuts... I am not complaining but rarely do things work the easy way for me. I am a very fortunate lucky person. I have a loving family a good job and am really healthy...even for a "morbidly obese" person.
I really began thinking this would be a solution to a demon I just cant seem to exorcise. Yes through diet and umm"exercise" I can lose weight..for a while. But then it is always second verse...same as the first... though feeling MORE horrid because you now FAILED AGAIN.
I do not look forward to a lap band... but decided in my head it was like a cure for a disease.
However a 12 month waiting period...when you are NOT SUPPOSED TO LOSE WEIGHT. I mean if you successfully lost any weight, you wouldn't need to band anymore...
For some reason mentality I cannot fathom the idea of being this weight next year or not trying to lose weight. Even though each of the last 5 years I have weighed more then the year before...somehow not trying or even grasping the idea of being fat another 12 months before I begin to lose weight is unthinkable...
I am going to ponder but I figure the ball is back in my court and I must do the work...every bit of it.. no shortcuts.

Weighing in on Wednesday... Desperate Edition

2009-04-08T06:47:00.001-07:00

TODAY IS NATIONAL START WALKING DAY. The American Heart Association has organzied this day to help get people moving. Just taking a walk daily can help lower your blood pressure, reduce stress, stregnthen your heart and help you live a healthier life. TODAY is a great day to start! You can get more details and sign up at http://www.mystartonline.org/

For myself...and I am sorry but this is not a friendly or funny blog post. I did not lose any weight this week. I did get a little exercise (took a nice long walk and played DDR) but I am really struggling to conquer this food addiction. I feel pretty lousy about it right now. I know all the right things to do but its a real struggle to do them. I had the thought yesterday (and not for the first time) that I wonder if my neighbor next door whose window is across from my kitchen window thinks...damn she's in the kitchen AGAIN???

I am looking into options and as always will continually work on it. Its very hard to explain to people who don't understand and those who care and love you but not enough to say HEY you are KILLING YOURSELF. It is very unhealthy to be OBESE. We think these are words we can't say. They are words that make people cry. They make me cry too... I do not want to be OBESE!

But it is the Truth and it is a medical term. No one get all teary eyed and personally insulted because you call them a diabetic. The difference seems to be that you and everyone else thinks its because you have no self control that you are obese. Yes thats true.. but I honestly believe there is something in my brain that is different then other people when it comes to food and the pounds on my body. Its a toss up.. you don't want people giving you THAT Look when you eat but you also want support lol. I really feel this is one of the most difficult issues for both the obese person and those who love and support that person.

I continue to fight for health. I will not stop..come oreos, ice cream or leftover casserole!

Weighing in on Wednesday! Keep on Trucking Edition

2009-03-24T18:36:00.000-07:00

Well I wish I had been so inspired by starting to blog this every week that I had a great week. I am however not able to report that... I am able to report that I need to pull my head out of someplace it shouldn't be.

I just haven't given a lick about what I put past my gums this week.
That week is now O-V-E-R and I am looking straight ahead and not back...because yet, that is my butt and its definetly following me.

For next week my goal is to be active at least 30 minutes everyday and keep track of everything I eat.

I also am joining the Biggest Loser Pound for Pound Challenge.
http://pfpchallenge.com/
For every pound I lose A pound of food is donated to people who need it. You sign up and pledge the amount of weight you want to lose before the deadline. This has been going on a while and I missed the boat but decided even if I can lose 10 pounds in the month left, thats 10 Pounds of food for people in need! Even ONE pound is worth signing up!

I want to share some absolutely fabulous sites that will benefit anyone wanting to live a healthier lifestyle.

There are a great many pay sites and most are very good and effective if you do work the program. I myself am have been a successful Weight Watcher but for the frugaler I am only listing the sites that are completely free of charge and I must say a DANG good deal.
If you love to cook or find out about new products (who doesn't), find healthy versions of your favorite goodies then have you checked out http://www.hungry-girl.com/? GO, now...do not stop do not collect $200.
I love this site. I also have the first Hungry-Girl cookbook and was able to meet Lisa at her signing for it and am clamouring for the next one to come out (she will be here May 5th I believe) She tells you all about the newst products and she converts recipes to a healthier version...SO YOU CAN EAT MORE!!! Each day of the workweek is a different topic and there is something for you I gaurantee! I cannot count the things I have learned about on this site.
I love it... I love Hungry-Girl. Really go NOW.

My next favorite and very resourceful site is http://www.sparkpeople.com/
Maybe you have signed up. If not, visit and do and if possible say me as referrer... Mindolla as you get cute little points, that well are for fun. If you have joined for some reason in the past (I think MY points actually also gives points for joining so do that too...points for you) but don't use it, please give it another look through.
SparkPeople is it is complete social networking site for health and fitness of all kinds. Weight Loss...yes, free diet plans, exercise plans and EXTENSIVE calorie counters. General health issues...they have it covered. Want to check out that newest fitness trend you heard about, well I bet there is a video you can watch or exercised you can print. Love forums...they have a jillion and one. Need a Challenge..check out their Challenge boards and make friends and share goals.
Really as someone who paid for Weight Watchers SparkPeople had me stop and ask WHY... I mean it is so complete and really awesome.

There are some others that are really good resources as well. These are just a few free sites to get you started.
http://www.thedailyplate.com/
http://www.calorieking.com/
http://health.discovery.com/national-body-challenge/national-body-challenge.html

Join me on my journey to healthy (on a budget) and share with me your successes and your struggles! My health for me, my family and my future is the best investment Ever!

Another Great Mail Day and a good Wags deal

2009-03-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

I just checked my mail after stopping off at Wags on the way home. I needed the sausage they had on sale and milk. I got neither because they didn't have the sausage and I couldn't pay that for milk. I did get the 11 cans of tomato sauce at .39 a can and will submit for the rebate.
I also bought (my bad... you can read more on Weigh In Wed that says this was a bad idea) TWO bags of Lindor Truffles, dark... they were clearanced for $1.09... I have two $1/1 coupons.. whoo hoo .09 cents for these!!! Now the problem is I opened one. The other I rescued as an add in to a gift in the gift closet. And a pack of extra gum clearenced (multipack pack) for $.68
Used $6 RR total OOP was 3.14 and will submit for the conagra $5 ES rebate. I have to look and see if I need to buy one more item.

I get home I FINALLY received my Easy Saver Rebate from Feb. I so excite. YAY
I also had two free magazine, Woman's Day and Family Circle in there
NO BILLS...
A total treat today at the mailbox.
Whoo hooo

Ohh and I was called for another focus group. I am banking this focus group money as savings and WHOO HOO.. I am attracting it like bees to honey!

Whoo hoo my mailbox Rox today

2009-03-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

Today was an Awesome mail day..
I am rather discouraged that no WAGS giftcards have yet arrived and my Bayer rebate was rejected because I used a MFC.
BUT today I rec'd
My Earthbound farms coupons
my Starbucks Via samples
A coupon for FREE Chiptole
my free 2 litre of Diet DP coupon
and a Kroger Coupon book on Spring Cleaning.

Whoo hoo... the only bill was my All you subsciption which I see as already totally worth it!

Doing my Happy Coupon Dance.. Uhhhuhhh uhhuhhhh

Weighing in on Wednesday!

2009-03-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

I am a lifelong dieter. I have gained and lost massive pounds and 5 years ago was at my lowest weight ever... 168. I am only 5'2 1/2" so still not tiny. At the moment I need to lose about 80 to 90 pounds to make my goal of 140 pounds. I have decided to add a feature to my blog because
A) as a lifelong dieter I am an expert on all sorts of great resources that have helped me and if I am sure others could benefit from them.
B) because its my struggle... my addiction is food and so I hope this will keep it in the open and help me be accountable
C) to help merge two things I care alot about... saving money and getting healthy! Many people say dieting or exercising is expensive... and it can be but there are tremendous resources and things to do that do not cost as much as people might think.
With eating right and getting healthy it very easy to let it slide. But the cost is too high and often not realized until its too late.
I will post my weigh in each week here. I am starting with my weight at 228.2 lbs!
Yes thats not pretty, especially at my height, but its TRUTH and that is ok. Its the starting point today!
Next week I will weigh in and list my points for each day and if I was active.
Next week I will also give some site addresses that are JUST PHENOMENAL resources for eating right and being active. So come back for that and shoot me a note if you have one to share.

Krogering is getting me Bling Bling

2009-03-17T13:33:00.001-07:00

I went to Kroger yesterday after work. I had 70% savings so I am happy about that. My husband eats soup... preferably Chunky Soup most every day and so RARELY can I get it really cheap especially not in the fall winter months. I do have several $.50 of two coupons but even then, its a dollar plus per can.
I just haven't gotten the knack down for snapping pics..
so
1 Toaster Strudel 1.99 had .50 Cellfire and MFC .35 /1 that tripeled
1 box Kroger Crackers 1.25
6 Chunky soups 1.64 each used 3 .50/2 MFCs that doubled
Quaker Quakes .99 used .50/1 MFC doubled
Fruit by the foot variety pack 1.99
Fruit Roll ups 1.99 used .50/2 BC fruit snacks doubled and had .75 Cellfire
2 lb bananas 1.07
1 4 pk Cottenelle 1.19 had .25 cellfire and .50/1 MFC doubled...
Totino Pizza Rolls $2.99 used .35/1 MFC tripeled
2 Freezer bags .88 each
Dannon Light and Fit 4 pack 2.49 had .50/1 tripeled
10 Powerade drinks .99 each had 5 .75/2 MFCs I found near product at 7/11
Kroger Zips on clearance 1.00
2 Rubbermaid bowls 1.99 clearance had 2 $1/1MFC
Kroger White Bread 1.19
Chex Mix bars 2.49 had .50/1 mfc doubled
Nature Valley Granola Bar 2.49 had .50/1 mfc double
2 Kens salad dressings 1.99 had 2 $1/1 mfcs
Bought 20 items in mega event so received $10 off total automatically
Total OOP after mega event and MFCs was $21.57
I thought that was pretty darn good.

An Awesome Day

2009-03-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

I have made some great deals lately and well I just am new to this and find keeping up with posting my purchases a challenge.
I also had a sick kiddo last week who in turn made me a sick mommy this weekend/today and now DH seems to be getting it.
Anyway.. today was quite a lucky day...
I was called for a research study which will pay me some much appreciated extra money for my opinion on Friday
I got home and checked the mail and had my free Viva Sample...
I checked my email and found out I had won a wonderful prize from thenewfrugalmom.com -which is an awesome site you need to check out!
I went to the monthly Girl Scout leader meeting and won the door prize (a checkbook cover but hey)
all in all a wonderful day..I am so grateful for the wonderful goodies.
I did get a letter for my Bayer Blood Glucose monitor rebate stating it was rejected since I used a coupon... TOTAL Bummer but that was actually Saturday....

Well I am making a goal to get better about deal seeking and posting and recording my shopping.

Blessings to all!

Min

Saturday AM runnings around and weekly goal

2009-02-28T12:47:00.000-08:00

The next two weeks will be a challenge for me as my actual available money for dealings is pretty scarce.In my first month of frugalling I think I did pretty well but these things take some time. Numerous rebates won't be here for weeks. All the fantastic free or profit stuff I got from
Wags won't be that until I get my giftcard..which could be April... and when Feb is said and done I have ONE ECB for $4.99 to start me off on March...
And for some reason, the Pillsbury Catalina OTNO isn't working here in my area or at least not yet. But I do still have some coupons that make the prices super good. Its just back to that not really having any cash for the next two weeks thing. Also two weeks from today is a wedding we are in and then Sunday bdays for both my sister and niece.
So my plan beginning technically yesterday for the next two weeks....was to spend less then $60 Cash OOP... I am not counting a gc I used up or my ECB's that I didn't get a return on.. technically that to me is cash out but I am not counting it unless it comes from my wallet or bank account... here's how its going...
Woke up and went to Kohl's... needed to get DH a black dress shirt to wear in the wedding. Also needed to browse for bday presents... I had a $5.00 off coupon for registering at Kohls.com, plus they were having a sale where I had a coupon for an extra 15% off....
They had their Croft and Barrow $36 dress shirts for $12.50... they are nice.. there was this great one on clearance but it had a very subtle pattern and well, its for the wedding.
I also bought a teensy purse that held two shower gel/body lotions for $2.00 as part of gift for niece.
Bought a picture frame that says Girls just want to have fun for $8.99 (not that great I know but it was 65% off and its OUR SONG.. .as part of gift for Seaster.. (sis) She is a sentimental picture loving type.
Also bought 1 roll Christmas paper clearenced for $.36 which man this is were the low cash kept be down b/c they still had quite a bunch of nice Xmas stuff 90% off.
Total= 24.16 minus $5 gift to you minus extra 15% off coupon- $6.41 left on a gift card =
total cash out of pocket 11.21 which really not so bad at all....yet I feel disappointed lol!

Next stopped at Tom Thumb with ONLY what is loss leaders as otherwise they are nutty on prices. I also intended to use two purina free dog food and me free Kashi but their high prices kept that from happening as the regular prices were more then the limit of coupons...will use at Kroger and hope for money maker instead.
Bought
4 Campbells harvest select soups... on sale $.88 can... had two $.50/2 mfcs I thought doubled (one did one didn't..they only double 1st in multiples lesson learned)
Pepsi Max 2 litter... free with coupon and shopper card
1 kelloggs frosted mini wheats cereal... $.99 with coupon and had $.70 mfc coupon
1 head iceberg lettuce $.49
1 dozen egglands best eggs $1.70.. Ok I bought this b/c I had a $.35 coupon and actual intended to buy their eggs on sale for $.97.. figured this was better deal...somehow that coupon was not scanned and I watched him... but one other one beeped and guess that distracted me... very frustrating when I bought so few things and couldn't keep up with those few coups lol...
Trident cool mint gum $1.25 had $.75 off coupon

Total OOP was 5.79

So for my $60 OOP goal until 3-13
60
-5.79 (TOm Thumb)
-11.21 (Kohls)
Leaves $43 in goal budget....

Free Nail Polish!!!

2009-02-26T11:12:00.001-08:00

Courtesy of MoneySavingMadness (awesome site)-- you can go here
http://www.teenfreeway.com/opi_nail/index.htm
to register for two free colors of OPI nail polish.

I personally clicked to not receive the newsletter.

CVS Lunch Run

2009-02-26T11:04:00.001-08:00

I stopped at CVS- Really this week I didn't see much and since I am dealing with a limited budget I only buy things I really don't NEED if they are totally free and things I will maybe need if they are cheap cheap. But I did have one TriScents Coupon and one 1.00/2 Campbells soup coupon. I have close to $20 in ECB but they all roll into march so no rush.
I did hope to find some more clearanced out Boost but no such luck.

I purchased
1- Renuizet Tri Scents $5.49 get $2.00 ECB.. used $4.00 MFC.. $.51 PROFIT!!
2 Can's Campbells Soup.. B1G1 $1.49.. used $1/2 mfc.. cost .25 ea
Rec'd a scanner coupon for $2 of any Gold emblem nuts...so I purchased two $.99 cent packs of cashews.
My total was 2.09 and I planned to use a $2.99 ECB so I threw in a Hershey's Special Dark for $.89 (will learn how to calculate this better and have "plans" as well thats really more then I would pay for candy). Somehow was $2.94 total.. so paid with the $2.99 ECB... and received the $2 back for the triscents...

Not sure how people track that... is it $.99 out of pocket since thats how many ECB technically I used without getting that amount back??? Still I didn't spend anything so YAY.

Will go to Kroger this afternoon and try out the Pillsbury deal (well I need bread and bananas)

Today is Swagbucks Birthday

2009-02-25T06:13:00.000-08:00

If you do not use Swagbucks... well it's WAY past time. You earn points just for searching the net that can be used to get awesome things. They seem to add really cool things every day. They also have random codes and you can shop through them and earn more points.
Today they will be dropping some major swag in celebration of their birthday so check it out!

http://swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=341194

You ladies are amazing

2009-02-23T06:38:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I am so inspired by the different blogs I read. I am also in complete Awe. I signed up and started to detail EACH purchase but life gets in the way. Its really time consuming on top of the clipping, shopping, family time and work. I figure baby steps and maybe eventually I will get there. I read about tracking sheets etc... and I think YEAH I need to do that!
But I just wanted to put on a cute cheerleader skirt for all the other people sharing their journeys, goals, experiences, and hilarity that comes in everyday life and for the women giving me the courage to step outside my lazy convience filled lifestyle. Not that I am giving up convenience... but I think..hmmm I can plant a garden! I want to be green and what better way.
Or the women learning to sew or decorate cakes because you refuse to pay so much for things that are really so simple if you have the courage to try, to fail, to try again....

Thank you all

CVS Money Making

2009-02-17T10:54:00.000-08:00

Ran to CVS and purchased
1 Energy Shot $4.99 rec'd 4.99 EB back
2 bar Neutrogena Transperant Face Soap Acne Formula- This did not generate ECB however the guy working there, who asked me to run get him one because they were out of the other and he couldn't find this..said it should since the soap did and printed me my $10 ECB. Now the price of the soap here was $3.19 still $6.38 - $10 ECB means a Profit of $3.62
2 Trial size cotten rounds (thanks to Jaime the money magnet who said where to find these in the stores) .99 each $1.98 generated $1.98 ECB

I did NOT use what I learned and paid with Extra bucks that had to be adjusted down almost $.70... I even thought filler... on the way there but got distracted and didn't grab a candy bar.. he was in photo anyway so couldn't see them but DANG! Rookie will do better next time.

$avings Makes ¢ents: $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate Giveaway!

2009-02-14T06:55:00.000-08:00

Tosha is having a fabulous give-away here...
$avings Makes ¢ents: $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate Giveaway!

Thanks Tosha and Good luck everyone

Life et al (a rant but I do that)

2009-02-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

Well I don't know how people take pics of everything they buy lol. I guess it just becomes a habit
I felt good about my Wags shopping yesterday but didnt take a pic and forgot to bring the receipt to work. I will post at least the detail later.

A check in on self- hmmmm ok. I have struggled my whole life with my weight topping out around 1997-2000 at around 300 lbs... since then lost 125 over a couple years (some yoyoing) and in 2004 when I was getting dicorced (and met and started dating my DH now) I started gaining back weight. I started WW again on 12-9-08 at 243. Yes no denying that #. I can say I am short and VERY muscular lol. I have lost 14.4 on WW to date, which I think is good through the holidays... however last year on Jan 1st I weighed in and then lost 20 lbs by march 1st...then at the end of the year I started out 20 lbs MORE then Jan 1st.. so yeah gained 20 lbs last year.
I just binge eat. Sometimes for habit, sometimes not. Anyway I don't want to sound all drama queeny... but I am not going to quit. Things are good right now except for feeling like we have not enough money and not seeing much in the future to really improve that overall situation. (My earning potential just isn't exponentially greater and well hubby tries but he has made mistakes in the past that make getting a GOOD job a bit more difficult). I also feel he just doesn't understand about money and thinks its all I talk about or we talk about. But I want him to see the error of the spendy way!!!! He is improving I will say. So is his credit because he is starting to get some Credit cards... I am trying to convince him to leave them ALONE but he isn't a good budgeter of "his" money and ends up putting food or something on the card..which makes me see RED. But I don't always want to fight about that and he is paying for it with "his" money. However if it gets out of control, guess who will have to help clean that up because we need to salvage any credit we do have.
We are both 36 and have made way too many mistakes in the past that we have to deal with now. Bad credit is a bad deal, even when you shouldn't use credit cards... because it means renting a house instead of buying, etc. In my defense some of my credit issues did not come from me and divorce can be messy business too sometimes.
Ok opps, I got a case of uncontrollable writing lol.
I refuse though to quit on the Weight loss front but its a struggle. Its also a struggle to try to buy food we can all eat.
I am going to plant a container garden I think. Not sure how, when, what but I will give it a try.
Also I have to figure out menu planning and economy cooking. I mean how do people buy MEAT at cheaper prices when you want leaner meat and leaner ground beef.
There have to be ways. I will be victorious in these!

Now THATS what I'm Talkin about!

2009-02-10T18:05:00.000-08:00

Today I ran to CVS and used 2 BOGO
American Greetings card MFC's and got Two Mylantas that were clearanced to that magic $3.69 I kept reading about. I used 2 $3/1 coupons.

I paid with 9 extrabucks plus $.58 OOP!! I received 9 extra bucks back.

YAY-
I swear I felt high afterwards and like I had done something wrong. I MADE money at the last CVS deal but its rebates so its not "real" yet.

People are starting to look at me funny. My DH said yesterday when

I "ran" to Wags... this is starting to be an everyday thing.. yeah so is your PS3.. this is MY thing.

That and he said, wow another razor and today looked puzzled at the Mylanta (which I have never purchased in 2.5 years of marriage). I told him how it would be. Guess I have to show him. His folks are very spendy and we have always had a difference in opinion in money issues but he tries and I feel like we are getting somewhere on being at least able to understand each other regarding that issue.

Now I do sort of feel like a junkie..scouring the net and papers for my next FIX and sad b/c really I have no money until Friday especially since I had to report my debit card lost and wait for a new one.

Ahh life is good!

CVS today

2009-02-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

I ran at lunch for my first "swap"
I didn't take a picture but I purchased
The glade Sense and Spray.. was 6.99 minus 4.00 MFC plus $2 EBR cost $.99
Gillete Gamer Razor $7.99 used $4 MFC and received 4 in EBR back cost profit $.01
Bodiheat pain relieving patch $3.99 rec'd $3 in EBr price .99 Hmmm I didnt find peelies at my store (pout)

I spent $1.97 OOP after paying $8.99 w EBR (plus rec'd the 9 back and another 5/$25 coupon

YAY Its hard to think of good ways to do this. Thankfully there are so many amazing women (and men probably ) sharing the wealth!

My first fight over my coupons

2009-02-07T11:27:00.000-08:00

I just had my first arguement with the cashier and manager. I used 4 $1.10/1 Progresso
Coupons. First the girl said I can only use one because it cant be doubled or tripled.. I explained the difference to her. She had already asked Skippy the manager who said I couldn't use them on BOGO's because he would lose money... I explained how he did NOT lose money, how really, even $1.60 a can (bogo price) is HIGH for that soup and even if he did lose money, I am not breaking any rules and it basically wasn't my concern but that really he made money because he just just take them off and I'd get them all tomorrow at Kroger... I also ended up taking his register keys home and I nicely did take them back... no he did not seem at all grateful but looked at me more like... ohh heck here she comes again when I walked back in. I did get the soup though, with the coupons.

I just arguing your case is just something that is in issue and you have these battles?

I mean really I think I made a good profit on this, my first intentional CVS coupon trip but somehow, they made ME feel bad.

Ok here goes

Contour Blood Glucose monitor $30 on sale free w $30 MFC

and has mail in rebate so YAY $30 profit.

Progresso Soups BOGO $3.19 per can. So price per can $1.60

used 4 $1.10/1 ipc price $.40 per can

Glade candles Sale 4/$10 used $1.50/2 MFC price $1.75

Glade scented oil refills 4/$10 used $2.00/2 MFC price $1.50 each

earned $5 EBs for $10 glade purchase

Hershey Candy Bar and Hersey Dark 2/$1 had bogo mfc price $.25 each

2 CVS cotton balls total price 1.69 each 3.38-1.99 = .70 each

earned 1.99 EBs for buying 2 CVS products (also noticed coupons inside bag)

Low dose CVS aspirin chewables 1.99 free with 1.99 eb earned with puchase

2 4 pks Irish Spring on sale $2.00 used two .50/1 MFC price $1.50 each

2 bottle softsoap body wash on sale 2/$7 used two 1/1 MFC $2.50 each

There is a $5.00 EBR for $15 purchase I thought would be fulfilled.. I learned they use the sale price in that calculation. I also learned I could have bought colgate or palmolive as part of this. I need to get $4.00 spent to get that and I will next trip to get that $5.00 EBC

Total OOP was $24.64 paid with my own hard earned money. This was my first trip so I got $8.99 in EBR to use on next trip. Also I rec'd a $5/25 CVS purchase I can use next trip and I will get the rebate on the meter at some point.

So all in all I got started and it should be a good deal. I just need to learn the best way to stack things and get a tougher skin I think.

My first intentional coupon Krogering trip

2009-02-06T17:14:00.001-08:00

My first shot at this picture thing..
My DD wanted to know why we were taking pictures of the groceries. Also its a little blurry. I just received this camera for Christmas and well, have not learned yet how to take the best pics in general, much less of still lifes! How Jamie (the money magnent) and you others do it...well I will be learning!
Here goes.. not awesome I guess but I am just starting out.
5 12 packs of Dr pepper products- On Sale 4 for $12 and get a 4th one free. Had $1.00 Big Red 12pk total $11 for 5 or $2.20 ea
2 kraft cheese cubes $1.99 plus part of buy 10 get $5.00 off
1 kraft cheese sticks $1.99 plus part of buy 10 get $5.00 off
PF goldfish $1.49, used $1/1 MF coupon (coupon was for other PF crackers) plus part of 10/$5 deal
1 Chickn/biscuit Nabisco crackers $2.49 plus had save $1 off Kraft cheese WYB Nabisco crackers plus was part of 10/$5 off and had to get another item b/c they only had two steamers.
1 bx Kleenex tissue $1.09 plus had $.40/1 MF plus part of 10/$5 off
7 pks 4 roll cottenelle these actually ring $1.19 at my Kroger but had 7 $1/7 coupons plus cellfire for $.25 off so not bad.
2 Green Giant Steamers $.99 used 2 $.50MF coupons doubled plus part of 10/$5 off
2 viva paper towels $2.39 had $.40 MF for each, not a great deal but we needed these
1 bounty paper towel $1.03 plus esaver .25 coupon plus $.25 mf tripled
1 frenches mustard 1.19 plus $.50 MF plus part of 10/$5 off sale
2 Franks Red Hot $1.19 plus had two $.35 MF coupons and part of buy 10 /$5 off
1 Cattlemans Barbque sauce $1.49 had $.75 MFC plus part of 10/$5 off deal
1 BC potatos had $.50 MFC plus Scuts .35Cpn
2 Progresso Soups $1.67 had two $1.10 off MFC
Chex Snack mix $2.19 plus cellfire .60 coupon plus $.60 MFC plus part of 10/$5 deal
Bananas .96
avacados on sale 4/1 bought two $.50
Quaker instant oatmeal High Fiber $2.69 plus $1/1 MFC plus part of 10/$5 off deal
2 totino pizza rolls bags $2.99 plus cellfire .50 plus shortcuts .50 off plus MFC for $.35 for each bag plus part of 10/$5 off.
Kens Salad Dressing $1.99 plus had $1/1 MFC plus part of 10/$5 off promo
2 Orville Redenbacher Smart pop $2.19 plus had two $1/1 MFC plus part of 10/$5 off promo.

Total OOP $30.44 not bad since it was according tot he recipt a savings of 70%. I know it was close to $90 before the coupons.
This detailing I need to practice at and get better at... but right now, I am bragging.. I do think its pretty good!

My first try at WAGS

2009-02-06T17:11:00.000-08:00

Ok here is my first try to get good deals and WAGS and play the game. I am not fond of rebates etc but I am getting on board!
Two boxes Pop tarts- On sale for 2/5.00 plus store coupon for 2/$3 plus had MFC for $1 off two
price paid per box $1.00
Perfect 10 haircolor Clearenced price $5.69 is good for rebate of $10 GC and used a MFC foor $5/2 nice and easy products
Nice and Easy haircolor clearenced for $3.29 used $5/2 coupon above on Haircolors (both of which I will use- I should see a profit of $6.02
2 boxes 4 oz Colgate total fresh clearenced for $2.19 per box I had two $1/1 MFC price $1.19 per box and we needed toothpaste.
Garnier Fructis Wonder Waves Mouse $3.99 used $1/1 MFC has $3.99 rebate profit $1
2 bottles Osteo Bi FLex Glucosmine BOGO price $19.95 per bottle had two $5/1 coupons total price $5 a bottle (hubby takes daily)
Maxcell CD-R 50 pack $9.99 umm well we just needed these

Total OOP $32.69 but will get so far $11 back so $21.69
YAY me! Will get my hair done, my teeth cleaned and our joints won't hurt!

First Post about learning to Coupon and Save

2009-02-05T10:42:00.000-08:00

Well I am just starting out overall. I have always done what I will now refer to as Coupon lite. I also discount shop and rarely pay full price. So I think I am a natural.
I have a family where I am the breadwinner and really, my loafs are small! So a family of three on what I would call a single salary. We have bad credit and are trying to recover so that also limits options.
My issue is getting started. I guess I run amoke. I see the CVS and Walgreen shopping and think heck ya! I am all over that. But I don't necc have the money to get started. I read these posts where they spend nothing and thing wow! I spent $40.. granted it was $100 worth of stuff but alot I didn't "need" and I didnt' really have that $40 for that.
But I know its a process... I feel I have been going one step forward two back... I am going to focus on flipping that to two forward one back (at least I will get somewhere).. then I will be leaping forward eventually!
I hope to learn the ropes and begin posting and using this blog. I have to educate myself and also work during the day.. My job has lull times so thats good!